My Obituary

Hey all! I was at my parents’ house the other day trying to help my mom out with some computer issues and I happened upon a stack of old floppy disks. Among the various school papers and pixelated, early 90s computer games, I found this very random paper I had to write for a college class. Hope you get a kick out of it as much as I did!  🙂

September 2, 1998

            On February 14, 2085, while vacationing in the Swiss Alps, Erica Noel Ares, daughter of Luis and Jeannette Ares, was suddenly trampled by a herd of wild mountain goats, stampeding down the rocky slopes. Commented one spectator, “She (Erica) had just sat down to catch her breath when we saw the herd in the distance. We all yelled for her to get up and run but, though she was a rather fast runner, Erica was a very slow stander, and that’s what did her in.”

            Erica’s death was a tragic blow to her community. A friend of long years lamented “She was so sweet. So . . .well, short. As kids we all used to joke around that she was so short, she was going to get stepped on, and now . . .well, now it seems kinda’ funny that we used to joke like that . . .”

            Erica led a very long, successful life. By the age of 25, she had already become a renowned artist and had traveled to many exotic lands for inspiration. Words that could be used to describe this peculiar woman are “stubborn, impossible and troublesome,” because, though her works as an artist were numerous and well-known, they were, to quote the neighbor down her street, “by no means art. I used to use the ones she gave me for liner in my parrot’s cage.”

            But many will miss the 106 year old woman. Her husband, when told of the death, rocked back and forth on his bed in his nursing home room and was heard mumbling “Erica, Erica, Erica, . . .” but with a look of confused bewilderment rather than loving recognition of his wife’s name. Friends stated, “Though she was a, um, extraordinary(?) woman in life, we are glad that she has finally passed on. Finally.”

            Funeral services will be held a week from today, at 10:00 am at Tampa First Church of the Nazarene. Please bring a covered dish for the Pot-Luck funeral reception following the mornings proceedings.


~ by Erica Ares on February 22, 2009.

One Response to “My Obituary”

  1. sry UR so dead. 😦 C U at teh funeral! LOLZ

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